Allowing a man who wants to be the leader of your household to be the leader of your household -- as long as he is compassionate, considerate, cherishing of your feelings and fair -- tells both him and the world that you trust him. That new sense of trust turns into a completely new kind of relationship -- one with renewed passion, fun, and intimacy. Forget about who does what, forget about agreements you've made. Let him either figure out what to do, or ignore it. You can do it.

Instead of pointing out to him everything he's doing wrong and how he's disappointing you -- go with your feelings as soon as you feel them. If the garbage is still sitting in the can overflowing and you don't want to take it out -- say "Yccch!" Say you're frustrated. Or disgusted. Say you don't want to take it out. Don't ask him or tell him what to do, or complain about why he hasn't done it. Don't get sucked into a discussion, an explanation, or an argument. Let him solve it.

Let him either figure out what to do, or ignore it. If it's still piled up the next day, express your real feelings again in the moment and ask him what he thinks about the garbage problem. Let him solve it. These small issues can build up huge amounts of stored anger. Each moment is an opportunity to either increase the intimacy in your relationship or push each other further away. Don't ask him or tell him what to do, or complain about why he hasn't done it. You can do it.

Make the commitment to intimacy. Express your feelings clearly and directly without judgment, attack, manipulation, or even talking about his behavior at all! You can do it. It will turn your relationship around in days. If you've been arguing a lot over small things like household chores, and affection is disappearing, try this: Suspend all your rules for a specified period -- say, two weeks. Forget about who does what, forget about agreements you've made. Let him solve it.